Caution: Heavy post ahead. And in full disclosure, I'll say I've been working on this post for about a week and have been hesitant to post this because I don't want to come across as a looney person. But then I realized, that's never stopped me before, why should it now!
I think most of my life I've been conflicted about religion. Mostly because I didn't have a religion of any kind while growing up. I never went to church. Never. There was one time where I was going to go with a family friend but we ended up not going because someone got sick. And there were the few times I stepped into a church for Boy Scout meetings and a wedding or two, but that's it.
Christmas was entirely about Santa Claus. And Easter was entirely about the bunny who dropped eggs full of candy and money around our house. Looking back, it's kind of funny to think that I was up there on the risers in my elementary school gym singing Christmas songs alongside my classmates without really knowing anything about the birth of Jesus Christ or his life. I just did what I was told.
The town in which I grew up wasn't heavy on religion. Kids didn't talk about it. Occasionally, there was the question of "Do you believe in God?" I simply answered "yes" and the conversation usually stopped there. I answered "yes" for two reasons; that was the expected answer, and I really like getting presents at Christmas time.
I didn't think anything of my lack of religion upbringing until I started college. All around me students disappeared in every direction on Sundays. Attending church was a popular thing to do in Laramie, I learned. There were the mid-week bible study groups, on campus gatherings, and people openly engaging in prayer and evangelizing. It was the first time I'd ever even heard the word Mormon, let alone seen one.
I remember freshman year in the cafeteria watching everyday as this one young man bowed his head to pray before each meal. There was one man from our floor who went everywhere with his bible. He would randomly throw out prayers to the group while we were hanging out. It was fascinating to see how much faith played a role in so many people's lives. I'll admit that it made me feel a bit like an outsider. It wasn't because I didn't have a religion, it was because I didn't even know what I believed.
It took many, many years before I started to get a grasp on the world and develop my beliefs. I mentioned a few things
HERE. It took years of studying for a bachelor's degree and a master's degree to fully expose my mind to the world around me and to understand how strict religious doctrines were only serving to separate groups of people, turn them against one another, and make each feel superior over the other.
I saw more hypocrisy in religion than I saw faith, hope, and love. Love thy neighbor meant "love only the neighbor who believes what you believe." I witnessed an evangelical Christian disown his own sister and her child because she chose to marry a Catholic. How's that for love? I found myself shaking my head at people who claimed they believed in a loving God in one breath but in the next they would condemn whomever they were speaking about, be it a person of a different color, religion, political party, gender, or whatever.
I couldn't help but think, what if everyone is mostly wrong and partially right. And by everyone, I mean
everyone...Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Native Americans, on and on and on. All branches lead to the same tree. One Creator.
That's where I landed after 25 years of searching. One Creator. One loving God who created this Universe. By loving God, I mean that all are loved and none are favored or damned. God gave us reason and free will to learn the world around us with open minds and loving souls. To do right by God is to use our hearts and minds to their fullest capacity; to never stop at absolutes and to never exclude.
I'm glad that I was not raised under a strict religious doctrine that cornered me into believing in one absolute truth that inherently held more hate than love. And while it's taken lots of rambling to get this far, here is the reason for this post. I found a church that I'd like to attend! The only problem is that it's in Tulsa, Oklahoma. No, I'm not kidding.
Stick with me here. Not too long ago, I found myself angry. Incredibly angry. I had a few weeks where I just stewed with deep hatred and anger. At every turn during the day, something would make me angry or angrier. And, thankfully, it disturbed me. I felt completely out of sorts and reflected to Brent that I didn't know what was wrong with me.
As with many things, I turned to the Internet for solutions as to how to heal myself of the anger and ungratefulness that had overtaken my life. At this point, I'm not sure how I stumbled upon
All Souls Church in Tulsa; it may have been while searching for new podcasts to listen to while running. But I did stumble upon it and I'm glad I did. For in it, I found a message in line with what I believe.
I'm not sure how to explain how at ease my discovery made me. I've listened to hours of podcasts...Sunday sermons in 20 to 30 minutes segments spread throughout the day. Four years of available sermons bit by bit. It's not fire and brimstone. It's not dictatorial, damning, exclusionary, or accusatory. It's inspiring, inclusive, open-minded, open-hearted, and encourages the questioning of faith and religious hypocrisy. It's unitarian universalism. Who knew?!
For now, I'm treading lightly. I'm learning and investigating like I've done my entire life when something new comes along. I will say this though; I'm not angry anymore. And I seem a bit more content with life and where it's going.
